The Bad Date Blog

Here is the first instalment of our guest blogger's "Bad Date Blog". We think it's hysterical...

I have been on a lot of bad dates, and I mean a lot. I don’t know what I do wrong but I just seem to manage booking myself on date after date that all end in disaster! So, as you good people have come here to find the perfect place to go, here are my hints and tips on how not to ruin it once you get there!

BAD DATE BLOG PART 1 - LOCATION AND TRANSPORT

The most important tip I can give you is to always find out where your date lives/works and pick a halfway point. You may well have the world’s greatest pub at the end of your road but there’s no need to drag your date halfway across London to see it, especially not when it’s a first date. No one wants to risk the travel time or Oyster pre-pay on a first meeting when lets face it, all could go horribly wrong. Let me walk you through a recent date of mine which I hope highlights how you can mess up just by picking the wrong place.

I found said date on the internet (don’t we all?!) and during a email convo about films he suggested a cinema date and said he knew a fab one in his neck of the woods. I naively imagined a lovely independent cinema; one of those ones with a nice bar where they positively encourage you to take in a glass of wine and put your feet up on the armchairs. So with this delightful image in my mind I dutifully headed off from the familiar streets of Hammersmith to somewhere I’ve never been before – zone 5.

An hour and a half later I’m met at the tube by disaster date. He’s wearing a camoflague jacket and is sporting some strange facial hair that sort of hangs from his bottom lip. Ok, so initial impressions aren’t great but he did come up with a really lovely date idea so maybe he has hidden depths?

I launch into date mode and a few small talk questions later I ask what’s so nice about the cinema: “Oh nothing, it’s close to my house so I thought it would be easy.”

Strike one.

“It’s a Vue, they do a cheap deal today so I thought it was the best place to go. “

Strike two.

He then starts to lead me down a quiet side street so I casually ask how far the cinema is (starting to worry that he is about to steer me down a dark alley): “It’s about 20 mins, we’ve just got to jump in the van.”

Strike three and out!! A bloke I’ve met online wants me to jump in his van and let him drive me off to god knows where!! Panic!!!

Completely thrown by this development I have to make a quick choice –

a) I can refuse to get into the van on safety reasons but make myself look like a paranoid nutter in the process

b) Jump in the van and pray the man is not an axe-murderer

I do what any serial dater would do – ask more questions and try and ascertain if the man is a pscycho before we reach the van and I still have time to run. A safe bet seems the classic ‘So what do you do?’ and I quickly chuck it out hoping to get a safe answer: “I work in a pet shop, in fact that’s where I borrowed the van from for today – here we are now…”

I glance up and he’s not kidding, a van covered in cartoon animals is parked in front of me. And OMG – there’s a cage in the back, yes, an actual cage.

Date over.

A three hour round trip, huge amounts of money handed over to TFL, only to be met by pet shop boy….I have learnt my lesson! Keep it local, get full date details before agreeing to attend, and never ever get in a van with a cage. And boys, you might think it’s most chivalrous offering to pick up your lady friend but trust me, it scares us, don’t do it. Romance is paying for her bus ticket.

Written by our lovely, anonymous, bad date blogger!