Swallowtail Hill - Glamping in East Sussex

Heading out of London on a Friday night, not knowing where I was going, the car laden with clothing and paraphernalia to cover all eventualities… I was feeling surprisingly relaxed! Normally a bit of a control freak; there was actually something very calming about NOT being in charge. Brownie points to the Other Half already.

Designated map reader, I knew where we going geographically but I still had no idea what our ultimate destination was. We finally “arrived” at 10pm, when we drove down a dead-end road in the middle of nowhere, parked the car and were greeted by a lady with a torch and a wheelbarrow. A usual Friday night then?

Weary and bleary eyed we piled our belongings into the wheelbarrow (and the rest – clearly I packed for all occasions) and let our host lead the way. Down the hill, past the pond, the log-fired shower and the eco loos (more of them later), we followed the scent of the camp-fire until we reached our home for the next two nights: a huge and inviting bell tent deep in the Sussex countryside.

Swallowtail Hill Farm is a small farm in East Sussex run purely for conservation. They offer quirky accommodation in two 5 metre bell tents and one converted horse-box! Despite my many bags, all you need to bring with you is a sense of adventure and some scruffy clothes – everything else is provided, from pots and pans to use on your camp-fire, to wind-up torches, old-school games like Connect Four and a great selection of paperbacks. If romance is high on your list then the horse-box is your best bet as it's tucked away on it's own, nestled between a wild flower meadow and two magical ponds. We're talking 10 out of 10 for rustic romance.

With the August weather less than summery we didn’t spend as much time as we would have liked relaxing around our tent and camp-fire: which is what Swallowtail is made for. In fact, on our last morning, like true Brits, I insisted we cooked our breakfast over the fire despite the fact that it was raining, with severe weather warnings being issued for later on in the day!

Rain or shine there is plenty to do in the area. We went to Camber Sands on Saturday and had a fantastic “blow away the cobwebs” walk along the miles of uninterrupted white sand. We then pottered round the cobbled streets of the picturesque town of Rye (a GDG favourite, click here for our review), popping in to Lamb House (home to the author Henry James), having delicious cupcakes, and buying a hat (as you do) before heading back to our tent to have a pre dinner glass of wine around the camp-fire.

Somewhere along the way I’ve forgotten to mention the “facilities”. Seasoned camper that I am I’m pretty used to basic loos and showers, but I have to say the eco loos at Swallowtail were something else… There are two loos, grandly named the Henderson and the Buckingham, each serving a different function if you catch my drift! I actually became rather attached to these loos by the end of our stay: they were clean, well maintained and they made you feel very eco-friendly! The wood fired shower is equally unusual. Looking like something out of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang it gives you a wonderfully warm shower despite feeling like it might explode at any moment!

Anyway, back to Saturday night! We went out for dinner – I know, I know, totally against the rules of camping, but hey, this is “glamping” so technically it doesn’t count!?!? We had a fantastic meal at the Tuscan Kitchen Rye (somewhere we’ve been before and LOVED, read our review here) and after several glasses of wine, grappa and limoncello we made our way home in a taxi, narrowly avoiding three wild board who were apparently also heading home after a night out! Wobbling through the fields to our tent was the perfect end to our evening, and crashing out on a comfy double bed is so much more preferable to a toppling over in a sleeping bag and landing with a thud on thin roll mat.

Next morning we gallantly cooked our breakfast in the rain (refusing to use the gas stove under the shelter provided) and sadly said goodbye to Swallowtail… for this year. We’ll definitely be back, probably with friends, and probably earlier on in the year when the wild flowers are at their best and the sun is feeling a little more sociable!

If you want to plan a weekend date to really get away from the stress and strain of London life then this is the place for you. The tents are seriously comfy and Chris and Sarah (the owners) have provided everything you could possibly need. All you need to supply is someone suitably romantic to share the weekend with…

Other Half really did excel himself this time!

Miss Mary x

Swallowtail Hill Farm
Address: Hobbs Lane, Beckley, East Sussex, TN31 6TT
Phone: 0845 3372948
Fax: 01797 260389
Email: info@swallowtailhill.com

The Bad Date Blog

Some more words of wisdom from our unlucky in love Bad Date Blogger, who made the fatal mistake of mixing burning hot oil with a third date...

So you’ve hopefully read my last blog and arrived at your date safely and in one piece but what now? The age-old question of what to do on a first date is a good one and should be thought through carefully… very carefully! Many a potential relationship has stalled due to over-ambitious or over-complicated dates so just watch it when coming up with a plan.

BAD DATE BLOG PART 2 - ACTIVITY AND ENTERTAINMENT

A fine example of this is my infamous Pancake Day date that seemed like such a good idea on paper and just went from bad to worse. It was a third date I think and the man in question wanted to cook me dinner. Excellent, I thought, there’s nothing more attractive than a bloke who can cook. I then realised that he’d suggested Shrove Tuesday so I said ‘Great, you cook dinner, I’ll do pancakes for dessert!’

It started rather well; I arrived at his flat and was pleasantly surprised to see it was a relatively girl-friendly zone. You never know what to expect when venturing into the man’s domain for the first time but his place was really nice, no beer can sculptures in the corner or Hollyoaks calendars on the walls – phew!

Wine was swiftly provided (the easiest way to make me feel at home) and he set to work in the kitchen. It all smelt delicious until a plate of suspiciously pink chicken was presented on the table in front of me. Right – what to do? Should I tuck in and hope for the best, or point it out and probably offend the chef? Is food poisoning ever sexy…? Too late to decide; he quickly spotted the problem and whisked my plate away, suggesting we move straight onto pancakes.

A lucky escape and it meant moving straight onto the fun part of the date – I mean how could anyone not love a bit of batter action? So the eggs were in the bowl, the oil was heating in the pan and a flipping challenge was quickly thrown out there by my date. Not being one to back down I limbered up and went for the full 360 degree flip. It might have been a slightly over-zealous attempt as I shot red-hot oil straight into my date’s eye who started screaming and holding his face in agony! ‘I’m blind! I’m blind!’

He quickly calmed down, as it must have occurred to him that his girlish screams were probably not attracting the lady, and suddenly manned up. But the damage had been done and any chance for romance got smaller and smaller as his eye got redder and redder!

It seemed a tactical retreat was the only answer so I made my excuses and left him to his eye bath. Funnily enough there wasn’t a fourth date – apparently some men just don’t like it when their dates maim them - what is the world coming to?

Written by our lovely, anonymous, bad date blogger!

Cycle London - Making the most of Barclays Cycle Hire Scheme

ⓒ Transport for London

This is a really wonderful date and whether you're visiting London for the first time or have lived here all your life, it's sure to inspire. What's more there's something about doing it all on a bicycle that really can't be beaten. You get to choose where and when you stop, cover miles in minutes (well, kilometres anyway) and you're somehow separated from the tourists, feeling a bit more like the locals you are. So, tried and tested by Miss Mary herself, here's our guide to cycling the city.

We suggest Hyde Park as a good place to meet, pick up your bike and get used to riding it in the safety of the tree lined paths before you hit the high road. There are multiple cycle hire docks dotted around the Park so it really couldn't be easier. Make sure you bring a map (although you might look a little sleeker with an i phone) as we're only giving you a rough outline of your route here - half the fun of this trip is finding your own way around so we're purposely leaving the finer details to you!

Once equipped with your two wheeled chariot (and of course a helmet - safety first!) head to the south east corner of the park at Hyde Park corner. Your first destination is Westminster Cathedral, so head down Grosvenor Place bearing east around Victoria and onto Victoria Street where the Cathedral can be found. Further down towards the river you'll pass Westminster Abbey and finally Parliament Square with the glories of Big Ben and The Houses of Parliament. To complete the Government theme, pop up Parliament Street and have a nosey at 10 Downing Street, before heading back to the square and then across Westminster Bridge. Even if you've seen it all a thousand times, actually cycling past Big Ben, The Houses of Parliament and then over the water to the London Eye really will make your heart leap with awe and wonder. It's simply stunning.

South of the river there is plenty more to see. As you follow the bend of the river, you'll find The Festival Hall, Tate Modern, Globe Theatre and of course the wonderful Borough Market, a perfect place for a lunch time pit stop.

After lunch, continue on past London Bridge until the glorious Tower Bridge comes into view. If you've never cycled across this incredible piece of architecture before, savour the moment.

Back North of the river and the delights of The Tower of London, Monument, the Bank of England and of course St Paul's Cathedral await. All of them breathtaking, all of them with fabulous stories to tell. We had a quick coffee in one of the cafes in Paternoster Square, sitting in front of the Cathedral and watching the world go by.

From St Paul's, head along to Fleet Street (pop south to The Temple and admire the architectural delights of the home of English Law) and on to The Strand. This you can follow all the way to Trafalgar Square, passing endless fascinating streets and alleys peppered with anything from the grandest investment bank to an old fashioned cobbler.

Onwards and upwards, follow the beautiful Mall from Trafalgar Square all the way to the majestic Buckingham Palace. As you approach on your wheels of steel with the breeze rustling through your hair, take a moment to marvel at the intricate beauty and incredible scale of this wonderful palace. It really is quite an emotional moment!

Finish the tour by heading back up Constitution Hill to Hyde Park where you can drop off your bikes and wearily make your way to The Hilton Park Lane. Here, on the 28th floor, you will find Galvin at Windows, a restaurant, and more importantly a bar, where you can enjoy a well earned drink whilst surveying the city you've just conquered.

August in London - Dates For Your Diary

Don't you just love summer in the city?

Here's our guide to the very best that London has to offer this month - go on, make a date of it...

1) Film 4 Summer Screen at Somerset House (Somerset House: 29th July - 8th August)

It's here at last and we're besotted. Huge screen + beautiful setting + picnic + date = unbeatable romance.

2) Great British Beer Festival (Earls Court: 3rd - 7th August)

This one doesn't need much explanation. Based in Earls Court it brings together the best ales, ciders, perries and international beers for you to enjoy. Cheers.

3) London Festival Fringe (Multiple venues: 6th - 30th August)

A London based alternative to the famous Edinburgh Fringe, the London Festival Fringe brings you an extravaganza of art, performance and entertainment. There really is something for everyone.

4) Canary Wharf Jazz Festival (Canada Square: 13th - 15th August)

A fabulous musical celebration with traditional and modern jazz, jazz-funk, Latin rhythms, soul and instrumental. Jazz veteran or novice, this is perfect summers evening entertainment.

5) South West Four (Clapham Common: 28th - 29th August)

"The biggest DJs in the world… the best weekend of your life". I think that just about sums it up!

6) Notting Hill Carnival (Notting Hill: 29th - 30th August)

London's very own Caribbean carnival. Steel bands, scores of incredible floats and mile upon mile of stalls, this is a three day party you won't forget.

7) Festival Brazil (Southbank: 19th June - 5th September)

Brazil comes to London for 11weeks of incredible music, dance, literature and visual arts. They've even built a giant model favela - incredible.

8) Proms 2010 (Royal Albert Hall:16th July - 11th October)

Classical concerts gallore in one of London's most beautiful venues. Be a part of it.

The First Date - Our Guide

The first date, it’s a biggy. Whether it's the culmination of months of ground work or a ‘blind’ first meeting, the pressure is on. So, if the mere thought is enough to make you run and hide, here's my version of the basic rules to help you through. Who knows, if i'm right, your next 'first date' could also be your last!

1) Where to meet

You may know all the best places in Camden, but if your date resides in Camberwell they’ll be none too chuffed with the trek. Picking a location in their neck of the woods has also got its pitfalls however, as you may unwittingly pick somewhere that he / she loathes, or worse still the place they used to hang out with their ex. Tricky. The simple answer is to meet in the middle - don’t worry if that’s an area you don’t know much about - that’s what GDG exists for!

2) What to do

Clearly this depends on your personality, but you can’t go wrong with the standard evening drink. It’s easy to arrange, you’ve got hundreds to choose from and you get an alcohol flavoured helping hand to boot. Make sure you’ve got a plan for dinner afterwards assuming things go well. Dinner as a first date works well for many but do be aware that it can be hard to escape if the date turns out to be a bit of a damp squib. Alternatively do something a little different and go with an action date or try a twist on the classic cinema date - still a favourite with us.

3) Setting the tone

First impressions begin before you’ve even said hello, so getting the tone of the venue right is essential. Do you go for sophisticated or laid back? Cosy or chic? Grand or modest? The rule of thumb here is that whilst you’ve got to be seen to be making an effort, super smart or formal piles on unnecessary pressure and is best avoided. It may also terrify your date! Ideally what you need is somewhere relaxed but with a bit of a funky vibe, lots of atmosphere and plenty of other people around.

4) How to impress

This is easy. Make an effort but be relaxed about it. OK, so maybe it’s easier said than done but here are a few pointers:

• Wear something nice. It doesn’t have to be smart, but it does have to be attractive. We know you can do it.
• Be decisive in your ordering. Girl or boy, no one will like you if you can’t make decisions.
• Don’t worry about being interesting, it’s much more important to be interested. Find out about your date, listen to them, and if you catch yourself talking about yourself for too long, turn it around - quickly.
• Don’t, what ever you do, repeatedly look over his / her shoulder. You may well be finding the snogging couple behind a tad distracting, but constant glances at anything other than your date can be very off putting.
• Don’t get too drunk. It’s just not attractive.
• Finally and most importantly, smile a lot and be yourself. After all, if this is ever going to turn into something more, you’ve got to be liked for being you.

5) Who pays?

When it comes to paying the bill, be open minded - the two of you may have very different opinions about this. The basic rule of a first date is that the guy should offer to foot the bill (sorry boys…). Girls should offer to ‘go halves’. Just make a decision quickly and don’t drag it out.

6) How does it end?

It may be old fashioned, but we are of the strict opinion that inviting your date back to yours on date number one is a no no. By all means go for the lunge if you think you’re in with a chance, but go home to bed alone. If you really like them there will be plenty more opportunities to ‘sample their coffee’ but this way you’ll never do something you live to regret in the morning.

Want more pearls of wisdom? Check out www.thegreatdateguide.com with our compliments!

Top ten water themed dates

What else can you do when the temperature hits the 30's than make straight for the water.

This week we bring you London's top ten water themed dates to keep you cool and your relationship hot...

1. London Rib Voyages

Pure genius. You get to race up and down the Thames in a fat rib with a comedian as a guide. London's most exhilarating date is straight in at number one.

2. The Berkeley's roof top pool

Bit of a spenny one, as you need to buy a 'Spa day' to get in, but this is perhaps the most glamorous way of spending a sunny day, poolside.

3. Camden to Little Venice canal walk

This scenic stroll has got romance written all over it. Wander through Camden Lock market and marvel at the crazy home boats of Little Venice. Perhaps a half way picnic (with a view) on Primrose Hill?

4. Boating on the Serpentine

We've harped on about this one before. Pick a sunny day and head to Hyde Park for a paddle. Nothing better.

5. The Aquarium

Bit of a curve ball this one, but a fantastic date none the less. It's in a top spot, right next to the London Eye, and if you've never been, you really must. There are sharks and everything.

6. Wakeboarding at the Princes Club

Wakeboarding and waterskiing in London. Cool.

7. London's Lidos

A staple of London's watery heritage, you're sure to find a lido near you. The oldest and the best (in our opinion) is the wonderful Serpentine Lido - fancy a dip?

8. RS Hispanola

It's a restaurant on a boat. Brilliant. On a sunny day you can dine on the deck and admire this lovely city whilst you sip on some Sauvignon. Mmmmmmm.

9. Rowing in Richmond

Head down to the grassy banks of Richmond and hire a rowing boat for two. Messing about in boats, Wind in the Willows style - Ratty would be proud.

10. Hamstead Heath ponds

One for the ladies, one for the men and one for both. Hmmmm, I wonder....

The Bad Date Blog

Here is the first instalment of our guest blogger's "Bad Date Blog". We think it's hysterical...

I have been on a lot of bad dates, and I mean a lot. I don’t know what I do wrong but I just seem to manage booking myself on date after date that all end in disaster! So, as you good people have come here to find the perfect place to go, here are my hints and tips on how not to ruin it once you get there!

BAD DATE BLOG PART 1 - LOCATION AND TRANSPORT

The most important tip I can give you is to always find out where your date lives/works and pick a halfway point. You may well have the world’s greatest pub at the end of your road but there’s no need to drag your date halfway across London to see it, especially not when it’s a first date. No one wants to risk the travel time or Oyster pre-pay on a first meeting when lets face it, all could go horribly wrong. Let me walk you through a recent date of mine which I hope highlights how you can mess up just by picking the wrong place.

I found said date on the internet (don’t we all?!) and during a email convo about films he suggested a cinema date and said he knew a fab one in his neck of the woods. I naively imagined a lovely independent cinema; one of those ones with a nice bar where they positively encourage you to take in a glass of wine and put your feet up on the armchairs. So with this delightful image in my mind I dutifully headed off from the familiar streets of Hammersmith to somewhere I’ve never been before – zone 5.

An hour and a half later I’m met at the tube by disaster date. He’s wearing a camoflague jacket and is sporting some strange facial hair that sort of hangs from his bottom lip. Ok, so initial impressions aren’t great but he did come up with a really lovely date idea so maybe he has hidden depths?

I launch into date mode and a few small talk questions later I ask what’s so nice about the cinema: “Oh nothing, it’s close to my house so I thought it would be easy.”

Strike one.

“It’s a Vue, they do a cheap deal today so I thought it was the best place to go. “

Strike two.

He then starts to lead me down a quiet side street so I casually ask how far the cinema is (starting to worry that he is about to steer me down a dark alley): “It’s about 20 mins, we’ve just got to jump in the van.”

Strike three and out!! A bloke I’ve met online wants me to jump in his van and let him drive me off to god knows where!! Panic!!!

Completely thrown by this development I have to make a quick choice –

a) I can refuse to get into the van on safety reasons but make myself look like a paranoid nutter in the process

b) Jump in the van and pray the man is not an axe-murderer

I do what any serial dater would do – ask more questions and try and ascertain if the man is a pscycho before we reach the van and I still have time to run. A safe bet seems the classic ‘So what do you do?’ and I quickly chuck it out hoping to get a safe answer: “I work in a pet shop, in fact that’s where I borrowed the van from for today – here we are now…”

I glance up and he’s not kidding, a van covered in cartoon animals is parked in front of me. And OMG – there’s a cage in the back, yes, an actual cage.

Date over.

A three hour round trip, huge amounts of money handed over to TFL, only to be met by pet shop boy….I have learnt my lesson! Keep it local, get full date details before agreeing to attend, and never ever get in a van with a cage. And boys, you might think it’s most chivalrous offering to pick up your lady friend but trust me, it scares us, don’t do it. Romance is paying for her bus ticket.

Written by our lovely, anonymous, bad date blogger!